My internet has been playing up the last couple of days (for some reason the wireless router seems to interfere with the PC, and then refusing to acknowledge the wireless at all, which is just weird)
Probably a good job I didn't come on line yesterday as I was growling all day ... totally growling/snarling/nasty/snarky/grrr! PMT FTW!?!!

Anyway, I'm much more chipper today, and I have just made yummy cheese scones and am waiting for bread to finish cooking - the house smells so yummy! Yummy! And my stomach is rumbling ominously! Never cook when you're hungry, guys and dolls, it's pure torture! XD

In other news Jess is insane. I was happily being braindead online when there was a huge BANG from upstairs - I went haring up there to find the stupid cat had decided getting in through a bedroom window seemed like a brilliant idea! She didn't manage it. I had to run back downstairs and let her in the door - all the while she is shouting her head off at me as if this is all my fault! Miaow! Idiot animal ... *grumbles* ... now's she's all purry and happy and snuggled on the harddrive box thing... *shakes head*

BREAD!!!!

Mumsy's birthday today - met up with the parents for lunch in the Blue, which was very nice.
Don't think Mumsy was overly impressed with her gift: it was a bit scanty but it was also something she asked for. Had such a skint week I really couldn't afford to get her anything else. I also said I'd 'forgotten' the cards - I hadn't made them. I tried to do that this morning but my glue had died and I didn't have time to draw anything worthy. It's my own fault - I should have done it yesterday but I've had such a shitty few days I basically crawled under my duvet and hid from the world. We also had to put up with 2 very loud, very encroaching student lesbians (yes, I did need to use both categories to distinuguish them). Why they had to sit on the table behind us when the pub was empty more or less is a mystery! *sighs* My tolerance is none existence. But then, so is Mother's XD. Dad told us both we were being intolerant haha.

Mothers Day disappeared under the duvet. Erm, Jack bought me sweets (with my money) and made me a card. Other than that ...

Also, apologies for not reading blogs and things - really not in the head space to make comments, and not checking LJ as often at the mo.
About to do a f-list cull on both journals. I don't know half the people who've added me, I'm not adding anyone back unless I know (of) them, and I've got some people on both journals, which is a bit silly really.
Plus the other journal is on its last breaths, gasping for air and giving up the fight anyway. I'm trying to let it die with some dignity ...

Oh, and the Ninja has just been in and sprayed everywhere - obviously this is his territory! I am not amused!

5 words meme - little_witch27  and lhunuial  both gave me 5 words - words appropriate to me that they wanted to know more about (you can tell I've lost the original blurb that went with this meme yeah!)

( this way for the waffle, I mean answers )

Well, I'm still feeling a bit shitty - will be calling dr in the morning - I demand something to stop this goddammit!
*humph*

Thank you for all the kind wishes, understanding and gentle hugs - I really appreciate it xx

Spent a happy couple of days hugging blankets, using the cat as a hot-water bottle and downloading porn, I mean Jrock PVs *ahem* and reorganising my photo folders (I have way too much but it makes me happy)

Well Jack has gone to school today - courtesy of a lift from riverofdragons - thank you dear xx. He was ever so bouncy and hyper this morning - he hates walking to school - if he hadn't buggered his bike it would be a different story, but I just can't afford to get it fixed, or buy him a new one which I think would be roughly the same cost! I'm glad we're friends again though. I've had a lot of cuddles and 'sorry's this morning. I love my cuddly Jack, even when he is being a special little snowflake!

I was so pissed off with him yesterday. I ended up agreeing to meet Ann in the pub when she finished work (always dangerous) - I only had enough for one pint, so I was thinking, just one or two and then home, feeling slightly more mellow. Oh no, she invited Hippy Dave, so 6 or 7 pints later (I can't quite remember) I toddled home very merry indeed! It was nice to see HD though - he's a pet! We toasted Jorge - Dave decided we should have a bit of a wake, strange but nice.
It's Cat's birthday today, so I may be persuaded out again tonight - I don't know if I can handle 2 days in a row - in fact I know I can't - I might try and arrange to meet her later in the week maybe. Though she does the hermit/agoraphobic thing too, so I'm sure she'll understand. Just thinking about it I don't think I've seen her since early last summer. Oh well.

I have my first session with the new therapist tomorrow. ... ... trying not to think about it but of course I am.
Then Dr appointment on Friday morning, after which I'm meeting Daddy for a lunch time sesh at the Winter Ale Festival - typically, I'm quite happy to go out and do things if there is a pint at the end of it - self-bribery? treat? or worrying quasi-dependence on alcohol? XDD Lols - whatever! Good beer is never to be turnned down XP

Hmm, another busy week (well, busy for me, you know what I mean) so going out for Cat tonight would be a bit daft. I need to learn my lesson and not push myself too much. Gently does it.

Wow, I'm rambling this morning! More coffee madam!? Yes, indeedy!

TTFN xx

Jorge the cat, aka Mr FluffyBum, aka Mr Thicky Cat, aka my Jorge.

29th August 1998 - 2nd January 2010

I'm really going to miss you, baby. x

So Crimbo is over once again - I had a nice time. Had a lovely day with my parents, and then a fun time with just Ann on Boxing Day, watching David Tennant's Hamlet and laughing lots (was pleased Ian didn't come as I'm quite miffed with him for failing to get her to her parents for Crimbo day - the big girl that he is!)
Yesterday my parents came over to put a new carpert in my room - it's a persian rug from my Aunt and it's huge and beautiful. We also got their old TV as they've just upgraded to a flat screen monster of loveliness (poor penniless pensioners *pfft*) Mother started hoovering my stairs so I stopped her (carried on doing it myself when they left) or she would have decided to clean the whole house - which it could do with but I'm not having the guilt of my mother doing it, thank you very much!
Jorge is really unwell, on his last legs completely. He can barely walk, more like he pulls himself along on one side. He's snuggled on the settee on a towel with his blankie over him. I'm feeding him in place and just trying to make him comfortable. It's breaking my heart. I have to ring the RSPCA today (putting it off big time) to see if they're open tomorrow as he can't go on like this, and there seems no other option. I just don't want to do it. I know I have to - he's ill, he's not happy, he's not coping, and I'm being cruel to keep him hanging on like this. But I've never had to have one of my pets put down before - always someone else has taken that responsibility and I'm crying just thinking about it. Oh well...

I'm going to be a total child and list my pressies now XD hehe

I got: many many books - Sense & Sensibility & Seamonsters, Darcy the Vampire, Eoin Colfer's new Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe book, new Terry pratchett, Literary quiz book, Shakespeare's Wife by Germaine Greer
Sweeties - choc cherry liquer things (x2), pink champagne truffles and specially made marzipan logs by mummy
PYJAMAS!!! and slippers - tartan and black *whoot* I love pjs!
HUGE cast iron casserole dish and pretty purple mug, and heart shaped ice cube tray (?)
A large double sided mirror on a very nice stand (to pluck my beard *growl*)
Lap tray thing - for the protection and relief from burning knees when using my laptop
3 calenders (which is good because unless I write things down several times I forget them completely - just need to remember to get new filofax diary pages now)
Posh catfood for the kitties

James got weights - most amusing - especially as Dad and I then decided we were much better with them than him. Me and my dad out-buffing each other was very amusing - then again, I am the one he calls on when it comes to moving something heavy or doing anything strenuous - despite me being a frail and weak ickle girlie *snorts*
Plus books, sweets, latest Muse CD, IT.Crowd dvd box set, bits and pieces, gaming stuff, pjs etc
Jack got new rollerblades and proceeded to fly up and down the road rather splendidly and without incident - most impressive. Got a few action shots - ie. incredibly blurry pics that no-one can tell what the hell they are!
Plus books, sweets, 3 Ghibli films we don't have, gaming stuff, pjs, money, bits etc.

I gave my Dad a John Lennon CD (one of the ones he hadn't replaced from vinyl yet) and 2 Bob Dylan books. Felt really bad I hadn't got him more but he was very happy with that.
Mumsy gor her usual padded hangers, a book and perfume, and an amaryllis bulb in a really pretty creamware box, which she told me she loved about 17 times - so I guess she liked it!

We ate pork and all the trimmings, and drank a lot - Kir Royale and wine and wodka and some other liquer thing I can't remember but was coffee-ish. Still feeling slightly mashed and very very stuffed.

DrWho was brilliant - though the Master's powers of flight were a bit of a wtf moment. And I cannot take Timothy Dalton seriously at all. And the reappearance of the Time Lords ... I mean, really?! Looking forward to Tennant's Hamlet today - and watching Simms go ever so slightly insane and chew the scenery bodes well for his appraisal of the Dane methinks.

And then we had a very long and drunken game of Cluedo XD Jack won but only cos I'd worked it out and gave him the hint to get there before me.

On the 8th Day of Crimbo I spent the day in tears over poor Jorge and feeling terrible. I can't afford to take him to the vets til the New Year and it's breaking my heart.

On the 9th Day of Crimbo I failed to attend a meeting at school with Jack as we were waiting for a bus for over half an hour and both starting to get agitated and shaky. Came back home and made cheese on toast - much better. And then I'm uploading a ton of pics to photobucket and it closes down for maintainance! I mean! WTF?! Does not really bode well for my therapy session this afternoon though - oh bugger! I haven't done my homework for that either ...

NaNo word count is up to 5345 as of 11:32pm last night. And as I suspected would happen (though not this damn soon) I have flipped my plot structure around already and we're only on chapter 2. (headsdesk)
I do appear to have successfully smothered my inner-editor to some extent though. Picture me sitting at my computer desk mumbling 'It's shit, and you know it is but that's ok... write goddammit WRITE and behold the biggest pile of bollocks you have ever vomited upon the page!'

and a little representational gif yoinked from vampedvixen



I was supposed to be taking Jorge to the RSPCA this morning but I can't afford to. £7 for the initial consultation, and then another £30 or so if they send us to the Vet hospital again, and that's without any meds or scans or surgery. And I have, wait, let's count it, ah yes 16p in my purse and -£1650 in my bank. Oh well... He doesn't seem too bad at the moment. His front leg is definitely improving I think and his back legs seem more stable than they did last week. And it's not exactly affecting his quality of life considering all he does he lie around the house snoozing. Sorry Jorge but you're going to have to wait til next week.
I could have asked my parents to fund it but that's a whole other can of worms so we won't go there.

And my appointment for my CBT appraisal came through - next wednesday. Though the tone of the letter somewhat amused me. The final line:
"I look forward to meeting you and helping you to work on this problem."
Problem? Problem? Oh gods I have a problem! and this is from a Mental Health Care professional *snorts*
Going in with an open mind and the intention to cooperate I promise ...

*sighs*

ok I will stop waffling now ... and start vomiting prose instead ...

I feel really shit this morning - not only am I still flu-y and achy but my period has started a week and a half early! I hate my body! *sobs*

in other news Jorge is really not doing too well - his back legs seem to be suffering now, all askew and shaky and not supporting him at all. Very worried cat-mother here. I'm waiting for the nice vet man to call me back...

And Jack and I are going to see the Vampire's Assistant this afternoon *huzzah* Really looking forward to that! Will take pain killers before we set off and spend the whole film in floaty loveliness XD

Today is the 10th anniversary of the boys and I moving to Cambridge - 10 years - wow and omg - 10 years!

we're also back to the (we'll see if I think he's cute this time) vet this morning with Jorge ...

We won the quiz on Saturday - I'm so proud of us! 2 years in a row - go go go the Chocolate Muffins! All hail the conquering heroes!
tee hee

*magnanimous in victory - pfft - yeah right*  WE ROCK!!! XDD


in other news - Jorge is not improving, though he's limping at a fair rate when he hears the food happening. I have to stop laughing every time he falls over though when he's trying to scratch himself *bad cat mummy*
Jess is being a very demanding pussy cat - she followed me almost all the way to the corner shop this morning, mewing loudly and complaining as she does - I had to escort her back home and lock her in and then go to the shop *quite annoying in an amusing way*


also NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE- spent a large part of yesterday scanning old magazines to sell on ebay - have so far failed to find anywhere on lj to pimp these sales though *sulks* - any ideas people - the rock music comms are not very helpful really they're not! you'd think someone would be happy to have my old Kerrang!s etc *sulks some more*

shameless plugging : my ebay account XDD

Jack: Do you know what my best style of dancing is? Erotic!


lmao


and I have a numb bum from cuddling Jorge - he's a big cat - my legs went to sleep!

poor baby - we've been at the vets for almost 5 hours today - he's been a very good boy all day - now he's sleeping happily (smiling)

The RSPCA vet sent us to the Vet Hospital where we saw a neurologist (who was very cute in a clean cut school boy jock kind of way - not my type but not going to neglect the eye candy when it is presented - especially in such a miserable situation - I am so shallow it hurts!) - they think he has damaged the nerves somehow, ripping them from the spine behind the left shoulder (or at the very least pulling them). He's basically lame in his left front leg and his back left leg is also showing signs of not quite being in alignment. Good God Jorge - what have you done to yourself!?! I mean, he's such a home-body, he doesn't go out much at all, he's not hunting or playing - he's the epitome of a lazy cat - Garfield eat your heart out!
So, anyway, we have another appoitment with the (very cute) neurologist in 2 weeks to see if there's any improvement. If there is they'll keep monitoring it but the damage is such that it would probably never be completely healed. Though it isn't causing him pain it is hindering his movement and must be frustrating for him. And there's the added danger that he might damage it more by dragging it round, or bash it into something. *sighs* He can't climb or jump up on anything - so home-bound ground-level cat it is then.
If there isn't any improvement then we will probably have to have his front leg amputated. (I didn't cry. I almost cried. I wanted to cry.)
This however is a much better prognosis than first anticipated - they thought it might be a stroke, and they were wondering if there was an underlying heart problem (poor Jorge was really quite agitated by then so not exactly a happy, calm cat at all) so of course my head immediately starts thinking the very worst - that if the condition was that bad he would have to be put down - the (didn't matter that he was cute at this point) vet guy had that 'I have bad news' face on. So when the (still very cute) vet said amputation, though I wanted to cry for Jorge I was relieved - after all, I'd rather have a three-legged cat than no cat at all (yes I know I still have Jess but Jorge has always been my favourite - he's my boy!)

Anyway - I'm exhausted now - and covered in cat hair from hugging the poor animal a lot.
We'll just see how it goes in the next 2 weeks.


and thank you so much to riverofdragons I really couldn't have done it without you - thank you for your support. xx

Jorge (my cat) is limping really quite badly, his front paw curled under and he's trying not to put pressure on it. So called the local RSPCA only to find their clinic doesn't run on a Monday and the PDSA don't have a clinic in Cambridge anymore. If it was an emergency I would call a proper vet (if you see what I mean) but it's not and I don't want to (can't afford to) pay approx three times the cost of going to the RSPCA clinic.
*sighs*
I spoke to a very nice lady on the phone and she said it sounded like nerve or muscle damage, that he'd hit the paw or landed badly or something - he is quite clumsy for a cat so landing badly does not stretch the imagination XD
She also said if he wasn't in distress - which he's not - then it would be ok to wait til tomorrow.

He seems absolutely fine other than limping, and has gone into hibernation mode under the table for the last few days anyway. He gets up to eat and have some affection/attention, but he's mainly sleeping - which is what Jorge does so no change there.
But I'm a worried cat-mother now.

aka my cats - Jorge and Jess



Old pics (I considered blinging them but then I couldn't be bothered - so just imagine party hats and sparkles please XD) - I wanted to take a pic of them together but they're being awkward. It was actually their birthday yesterday - they were 11 - they're quite old really. Jorge was so sweet - he had his favourite food and then happily drooled on my arm for an hour.
But I was so tired yesterday. Realised I've been out of the house 5 days in a row, which is so unusual for me - good I suppose, but I'm exhausted - really really tired - and yesterday I started shaking, overwhelmed by it because I'm not used to it I think. I could finally see the point of beta-blockers, but we shall see. I slept for a couple of hours yesterday afternoon before I saw my parents and was in bed by 10 last night (was actually falling asleep on my bed with the laptop *talking of which I realised yesterday that I haven't been able to write anything since I got the damn thing* for several hours previous to that) but my sleep patterns are fucked up again - I've woken at 6 am ish every day for the past 3, earlier one day, so of course I'm tired again by mid-afternoon.
Anyway saw my parents yesterday for the first time since we got back from Southwold - only to find out my Dad had been ill at the beginning of the week - we forget he has a heart condition - me and Mam both I mean, and him too I think - but he said he was ok now - neither of them said anything when I've spoken to them on the phone during the week however. Kind of mildly worried but not sure what to do about that... ask him how he's doing more often I suppose *sigh* He's so funny - he had a list of things he wanted to ask me (out came the filofax ... so we've talked about 1, 3 and 6 ... no.2 ... *pen poised to tick off the subject* ...) - one subject in particular - James GCSE results (he got the results he needed which is the main thing but he didn't do as well as he could have/should have done - but then the first year was wasted on inaction and not going to school so only to be expected) and he shall be going to Long Road as planned for his A levels. he does need to get his bike fixed in the next few days - very important!
What else? I had a blood test earlier in the week to look at my hormone levels - will get the results of that next week.
Benefits are all apprently going through now - but I need to ring housing people on Tuesday to check a few things.
and Mumsy gave me some yummmy apricot jam - I do like it when she's on a jam-making thing!

In other news poor Ruki is ill - to the point they've had to cancel concerts (or at least one) - it's gastroenteritus, which is what put James in hospital at the beginning of the summer - so I'm a little worried about the chibi one - but I could quite happily kill the idiots crying that he's going to die just like Jasmine You *slaps*

I think I'll stop waffling now .... xx

I hope ...


and thus ends my holiday diary for another year - just a couple of pics to go *thank fuck for that - this has been really hassalating!*

Wednesday ... and onwards ...

and so we continue to Monday (this is driving me ever so slightly insane)